At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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