I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
