i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
