HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
