...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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