Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
