Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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