Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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