positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize