Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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