Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
