Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We need to get me chipped asap
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
