and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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