A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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