do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
