Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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