Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
