The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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