My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need water and some morals
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
