I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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