it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
