im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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