the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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