I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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