she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
