i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
