You work out of a Hotel?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
