Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
