ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Damn victory sex feels great
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
