and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
