i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
