yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
