Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
