you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
