I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
