I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
