Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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