I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
