yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
