What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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