whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
do herpes really smell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
