I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize