Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
