HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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