My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
