it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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