You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
