I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
