You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
