Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
