Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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