May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
