She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
