she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize