I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
