Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
