This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
