Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
