I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
