I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i now understand why vodka
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
