Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
