I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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