I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
