I showed him my bush... on skype.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
