Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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