Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
