I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
