I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
