Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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