we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
