textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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