Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
