Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
