how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So many bounce houses so little time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
