She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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